Confessions of an Introvert
I feel like "introvert" has a negative connotation. Even as an introvert myself, I still get this horrible image of a person curled up in a blanket in a dark room, refusing to mingle with the outside world.
Sometimes that is what I feel like doing. Those days, however, are rare.
I do get the impression that sometimes my actions befuddle people. If they could see into my hardwiring, I feel they would be even more befuddled--gobsmacked, even. Hopefully, this helps with some misconceptions people might have.
I am very socially anxious. I don't know if that is because my brain is wired introverted-ly or if I am an introvert because of my social anxiety. Who's to say? I'm not terrible--I don't have panic attacks when I am forced to socialize. But it is difficult sometimes. When I am around a group of people I don't know, I get very quiet. I am one of those people that half the world thinks is quiet and the other half (the half that really knows me) thinks is loud and never shuts up. I find it easier to listen to what others have to say and comment than to try to carry the conversation--when I'm in an unfamiliar position. If I know everyone well (that is the key word) then try to get a word in edgewise. I dare you.
You want to know the worst part? I get shy and quiet around my family! So, dear cousins, it isn't that I don't want to talk to you or I'm stuck up (rest of the world, pay attention). It's that I literally have no idea what to talk to you about. If you start the conversation, I can totally pitch in, but other than asking about work or the weather or something, I probably won't initiate things. I'm an anomaly. No one in my immediate family reads the same books, watches the same shows, listens to the same music, etc., etc. So while some people say, "Just talk about music or movies or fill in the blank," I say "are you crazy???" No one in my family wants to talk about how amazing Michael Buble's last album was or why the last episode of Hell on Wheels was so shocking or extol the virtues of Jane Austen and J.R.R. Tolkien. I hate small talk.
Here is the other thing--I don't like appearing ignorant. So if I don't have at least a rudimentary knowledge of something, I won't discuss it. It has happened far too many times where I have declared, "Oh, I love XYZ!" and then the other person says, "Well, what was your song on Album Q?" And I'm like, "What?" Yeah. I don't like looking stupid.
A friend once said to me that the difference between introverts and extroverts is how they get their energy. Extroverts thrive on being around people and in social situations. Introverts recharge by being alone. Anyone who knows me really well knows that "Kaitlin Time" is just something you have to deal with when being my friend. Being busy and social 24/7 stresses me out--it drains all my energy--and so I need movie nights and days where I don't leave the house because I'm reading or scrapbooking. I need time to be by myself and gather my thoughts and regroup.
Now, there are times, when I am with the right people (usually extroverts that I am super comfortable around), that my inner introvert sits back for a moment. I can act like an extrovert but only sporadically, and honestly, I feel ridiculous doing it. I feel like it isn't me--but I have so much fun! It's a tough scale to balance. However, I have just as much fun roaming around a bookstore and sitting in a café--not talking to anyone. Sometimes I get why men think women are complicated.
It is usually in a time like the previous when I meet a person who is awesome, but the next time I see them, I'm back to being an introvert, so I don't speak. I'm not being stuck up. I'm being anxious. What if they don't remember me? What if I did something really stupid and they don't want to talk to me? People, it is just easier if you say "hi" or wave first. I'll always reciprocate (if I see you!) but I rarely initiate.
Well, as far as blog posts go, this one rambles, I know. But maybe it has helped you see me differently? Part of the reason I am a writer is because I am introverted. The stories and people in my head are awesome (please don't call the men with the butterfly nets--I don't talk to them...usually). As I may have said before, I express myself better through my fingers than through my mouth.
Look for more confessions later--probably way more specific, too. No names, though :) Everyone's privacy is protected!
~Stay Gold!
Sometimes that is what I feel like doing. Those days, however, are rare.
I do get the impression that sometimes my actions befuddle people. If they could see into my hardwiring, I feel they would be even more befuddled--gobsmacked, even. Hopefully, this helps with some misconceptions people might have.
I am very socially anxious. I don't know if that is because my brain is wired introverted-ly or if I am an introvert because of my social anxiety. Who's to say? I'm not terrible--I don't have panic attacks when I am forced to socialize. But it is difficult sometimes. When I am around a group of people I don't know, I get very quiet. I am one of those people that half the world thinks is quiet and the other half (the half that really knows me) thinks is loud and never shuts up. I find it easier to listen to what others have to say and comment than to try to carry the conversation--when I'm in an unfamiliar position. If I know everyone well (that is the key word) then try to get a word in edgewise. I dare you.
You want to know the worst part? I get shy and quiet around my family! So, dear cousins, it isn't that I don't want to talk to you or I'm stuck up (rest of the world, pay attention). It's that I literally have no idea what to talk to you about. If you start the conversation, I can totally pitch in, but other than asking about work or the weather or something, I probably won't initiate things. I'm an anomaly. No one in my immediate family reads the same books, watches the same shows, listens to the same music, etc., etc. So while some people say, "Just talk about music or movies or fill in the blank," I say "are you crazy???" No one in my family wants to talk about how amazing Michael Buble's last album was or why the last episode of Hell on Wheels was so shocking or extol the virtues of Jane Austen and J.R.R. Tolkien. I hate small talk.
Here is the other thing--I don't like appearing ignorant. So if I don't have at least a rudimentary knowledge of something, I won't discuss it. It has happened far too many times where I have declared, "Oh, I love XYZ!" and then the other person says, "Well, what was your song on Album Q?" And I'm like, "What?" Yeah. I don't like looking stupid.
A friend once said to me that the difference between introverts and extroverts is how they get their energy. Extroverts thrive on being around people and in social situations. Introverts recharge by being alone. Anyone who knows me really well knows that "Kaitlin Time" is just something you have to deal with when being my friend. Being busy and social 24/7 stresses me out--it drains all my energy--and so I need movie nights and days where I don't leave the house because I'm reading or scrapbooking. I need time to be by myself and gather my thoughts and regroup.
Now, there are times, when I am with the right people (usually extroverts that I am super comfortable around), that my inner introvert sits back for a moment. I can act like an extrovert but only sporadically, and honestly, I feel ridiculous doing it. I feel like it isn't me--but I have so much fun! It's a tough scale to balance. However, I have just as much fun roaming around a bookstore and sitting in a café--not talking to anyone. Sometimes I get why men think women are complicated.
It is usually in a time like the previous when I meet a person who is awesome, but the next time I see them, I'm back to being an introvert, so I don't speak. I'm not being stuck up. I'm being anxious. What if they don't remember me? What if I did something really stupid and they don't want to talk to me? People, it is just easier if you say "hi" or wave first. I'll always reciprocate (if I see you!) but I rarely initiate.
Well, as far as blog posts go, this one rambles, I know. But maybe it has helped you see me differently? Part of the reason I am a writer is because I am introverted. The stories and people in my head are awesome (please don't call the men with the butterfly nets--I don't talk to them...usually). As I may have said before, I express myself better through my fingers than through my mouth.
Look for more confessions later--probably way more specific, too. No names, though :) Everyone's privacy is protected!
~Stay Gold!
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